NO TO LISBON. AN OPEN LETTER TO MR. BIFFO AHERN-COWEN

Dear Mr. Ahern-Cowen,

Alanis Morisette is quite open about the fact she didn’t understand irony when she wrote her million selling single “Ironic” but I’ll bet she never expected to get a crystal clear demonstration from a sixty year old man with a good job who really should know better.

The reason we voted NO to Lisbon wasn’t because we like or believed any of the rubbish spouted by Sinn Fein or Libertas (who between them were actually one good reason for voting yes). Nor was it because we dislike Europe or we’re afraid of commitment. It was simply because you asked us to sign a contract that we hadn’t read and didn’t understand. (If my boss asked me to do that I’d tell him where to shove his contract!).

When I switched on the Six O’Clock News last night I expected to see a man gracious in defeat with a clear understanding of what went wrong. You are the Taoiseach after all. You have Civil Servants to tell you what to say and do.

So, what did you do?. Did you show a clear understanding of the problem? NO! You spent ten minutes waffling on in the most unintelligible language on the planet – Irish.

“Blah, Blah, Blah” you uttered in your guttural voice. “Blah, Blah, Blah” you went on. “Blah, Blah, Blah” you continued until everyone listening had switched off and had begun to think about going to the pub.

Bertie, sorry – I mean Biffo, you’re a man who lost an important vote because the document you were trying to sell wasn’t written or communicated in plain English. And then, in a truly bizarre move, you chose to comment on it’s defeat in a language nobody understands. That’s Irony – Alanis would be proud of you.

Get a grip Biffo. We don’t care about the bullshit scare mongering from the No Campaign or the Euro Skeptics, we’re simply not going to let you commit us to anything until we know exactly what you’re getting us into.

As the Catholic Church has already learned, the days of the blind faith of the Irish are over. We expect to be properly informed. Which is something you clearly don’t understand.

Enjoy your trip to Brussels.

Yours Faithfully,

The Functioning Alcoholic

On Behalf Of The Irish Electorate.