Celebrity Big Brother 2009 – The Race For The Shite House
Q: What do you get when you offer a middle class celebrity £500,000 to appear in a reality show? A: Complete and utter co-operation.
I was expecting Big Brother 2009 to be another pile of pointless celebrities trying to rekindle the success of their youth…until I found out the details of their pay packet for appearing – win or loose.
Terrified at the prospect of a repeat of the racist disaster of 2007 and subsequent cancellation of CBB 2008, Endemol wisely put their hands in their very deep pockets and purchased a bunch of safe, middle class, wealthy and (mainly) famous Celebrities to populate CBB 2009.
So who have we got?
Terry Christian – Rich & famous T.V. & Radio personality. Rumoured to be the founder of the Manchester branch of Scientology.
Ulrikakakakaka! Renowned potato crisp expert & part time father of four with former Blue Peter presenter Konnie Huq.
Latoya. Fabulously wealthy Michael Jackson impersonator, Latoya made her fortune in the early nineties with a string of successful Billboard parody hits such “Eat it“. According to her biography she has more money than you could shake a shitty stick at and has a fear of plastic surgeons.
Mutya Bueno. Former member of Boyzone and creator of tasty children’s snack Kinder Bueno.
Michelle Heaton. Ex Sugababe & daughter of Irish discount retail stores founder Mark Heaton. Very, very rich.
Mini Me. Clone of Dr. Evil & nemeses of Scott Evil. Made his fortune running a chimney cleaning service in Northern England in the nineteen eighties.
The A1. Stretch of road linking London to Edinburgh. Best known for its regular appearances alongside Jeremy Clarkson on BBC’s Top Gear.
Teddy Sheringham. Retired Manchester United striker most famous for winning the treble in the 1998/1999 season.
Coolio. Reached number one in the Billboard Hot 100 in 1991 with “Ice, Ice Baby“. Formerly married to Michelle Pfeiffer.
Tina Malone. Mother of former CBB contestant Jo O’Meara and wife of Les Battersby, Tina now lives in the Chatsworth Estate area of Manchester.
Lucy Pinder. Sophisticated, upmarket supermodel & regular contributor to U.K. broadsheet – The Guardian.
I’m looking forward to tonight’s episode where Lucy and Mutya openly discuss the benefits of Pilates and Coolio and Terry debate what socioeconomic impact the recent downturn may have on Britain’s White Collar workers. Now that’s what I call T.V!
sexy asses