He might not be very articulate but he makes his point very well.

Thanks to harrythered7 for the clip.

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Just a brief and truly warranted acknowledgement of True Blood, Ch4 Wednesday 10.00pm.

Nothing has grabbed The Functioning Alcoholic’s bollocks and twisted them soooo hard since The Sopranos.

Even the opening credits, below, are a work of art in their own right.

Jace Everett – Bad Things Video…

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Newcastle newcomers debut single proves quite infectious.

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Angry FF Debate on National Speed Limit

Fianna Fáil backbenchers intervened angrily at tonight’s parliamentary party meeting following the Minister for Transport Noel Dempsey’s presentation of his plans to increase the national speed limit to 321KPH (200MPH) following the delivery of his new ministerial Bugatti Veyron.

At the meeting, which lasted from 5.30pm until after 8pm and was attended by Taoiseach Brian Cowen, Mr Dempsey confirmed the main features of the Road Traffic Bill in a slide show titled The Case For Making Irish Roads More Fun.

Tipperary South TD Mattie McGrath said he was not convinced by Mr Dempsey’s presentation.

“It was a long meeting. There was a lot of very constructive argument. The overwhelming majority, bar one maybe two at most, was in support of the status quo,” Mr McGrath said.

“There’ll be a period of reflection for a week or two and we expect results.” Another backbencher, who did not want to be named, described the mood of the meeting as angry.

“People were very angry, upset, one on the issue but also because Dempsey has managed to get his hands on one of the most exotic supercars on the planet at the tax payers expense” he said.

“He’s upped the stakes, strategically, he’s put it out in the media tactically to up the ante. The implication is back me or sack me. Very clever, but it’s certainly not endearing himself to anyone in the party.”

Under the new regime proposed by Mr Dempsey, anyone who can afford a supercar will be able to push it to its natural limits regardless of road conditions.

He added “drivers of slower cars (such as the Smart car pictured) using the roads could be disqualified for six months and receive a €400 fine if they do not pull over to let a supercar overtake”.

Learners, recently qualified, professional & public transport drivers are expected to be banned for life and receive a €200 fine.

Mr Dempsey quoted an online poll from The Irish Times from May 2011 saying 56 per cent agreed with the statement that the speed limit for driving should be substantially increased.

Those who attended the meeting, which is never open to the media, said there were between 25 and 30 contributions, with just one or two speaking against the Minister.

A motion, signed by 18 TDs and three senators, opposing any increase in the speed limit, was withdrawn earlier this week.

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Given this six month old escaped with just a bump on his noggin…this is amazing footage. Poor Old Mum eh?

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T.V. doesn’t get any cheaper or nastier than Bill Cullen’s “The Apprentice” (TV3 Monday 9.00pm).

In this first episode of the new series both myself  and the other poor sap that tuned in were subjected nine (YES NINE!) different instances of blatant product placement, put there in a bid to offset the production costs of what has to be the poorest quality version of The Apprentice that the planet has ever seen.

(In the Columbian version – for example – the candidates have to run a real life drugs empire for ten weeks – with guns, mobsters, crack whores and bent coppers – try that for size Mr. Isellrenaulttwingo’s.)

In the end Craig Butler was the first of Cullen’s oafs to get the boot – mainly because he was a whiny little git – but he’s too much of an irrelevance to warrant any further mention.

I could end this piece right here and now but for the follow on show – The Apprentice – You’re Fired which is hosted by a homeless looking Brendan O’Connor. It appears to be set in a doss house where a couple of local tramps have been invited in for a chat, some weak tea and a crust of stale bread.

TV3 is good at doing cheap – and sometimes does it really well – but Bill Cullen’s Apprentice makes Crossroads look lavish and expensive.

Not recommended – unless you’ve only got a radio.

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Last night Dogwit, the blonde glamour model, left the Big Brother house to huge cheers from the crowd and fireworks, looking entirely dumbstruck to have triumphed on the show.

She beat housemates Siavash, David, Rodrigo and Charlie in the (04.09.09) series finale.

Sophie was almost still unable to speak as show host Davina McCall started to interview her and asked how she felt about her secret relationship with hairy boy Marcus.

Sophie said: “It’s just, like, I’ve read some stuff and obviously I need to speak to him and stuff.”

She had previously vowed to dump the Wolverine Lothario after Big Brother had agreed to keep the relationship secret but then, in a recent magazine interview, Marcus didn’t deny they’d had sex in the house.

Davina then asked if she meant it when she said she’d be single when she left, but overcome, Sophie could only howl a blood curdling cry into the microphone.

Marcus was then given a chance to pass a message to her.

He eloquently said: “Fuckthis, fuckit, fuckit, fuckit with knobs on, fuckityfuckfuckfuck.”

Sophie was then asked if it was true she had sex with him – as she reportedly confirmed to Irish housemate Noirin.

Presumably referring to her beloved pet Sophie replied: “I swear on my pussy’s life, I never said that.”

However, as the interview continued Davina seemed to rub the teenage witch up the wrong way.

Davina: You’re a pistol, you’re really funny. You’re really funny.

Dogface: What do you mean I’m funny?

Davina: It’s funny, you know. It’s a good story, it’s funny, you’re a funny girl.
[laughs]

Dogface: What do you mean, you mean the way I talk? What?

Davina: It’s just, you know. You’re just funny, it’s… funny, the way you tell the story and everything.

Dogface:[it becomes quiet] Funny how? What’s funny about it?

Marcus: Sophie no, You got it all wrong.

Dogface: Oh, oh, Marcus. She’s a big girl, she knows what she said. What did ya say? Funny how?

Davina: Jus…

Dogface: What?

Davina: Just… ya know… you’re funny.

Dogface: You mean, let me understand this cause, ya know maybe it’s me, I’m a little fucked up maybe, but I’m funny how, I mean funny like I’m a clown, I amuse you? I make you laugh, I’m here to fuckin’ amuse you? What do you mean funny, funny how? How am I funny?

Davina: Just… you know, how you tell the story, what?

Dogface: No, no, I don’t know, you said it. How do I know? You said I’m funny. How the fuck am I funny, what the fuck is so funny about me? Tell me, tell me what’s funny!

Davina: [long pause] Get the fuck out of here, Sophie.

Dogface: [everyone laughs] Ya motherfucker! I almost had her, I almost had her. Ya stuttering prick ya. Marcus, was she shaking? I wonder about you sometimes, Davina. You may fold under questioning.

Sophie was later awarded with the show’s prize money of £7.13, which she said she would spend  on a new atlas and some ordinance survey maps.

TFA -The World’s Favourite Source Of Spurious News

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MILEY’S ROMP WITH DEAL OR NO DEAL STAR LEAVES NEW WIFE DEVASTATED.

The ‘Hannah Montana’ starlet – who has been dating the Deal Or No Deal presenter since they grew close on the set of the hit Channel 4 show – has left Edmond’s wife of just two months - Liz Davies – heartbroken by taking her “husband and best friend”.

The 49 year old wrote on her Facebook web page: “Noel and I have been inseparable since meeting over three months ago. But it’s Miley Cyrus. How can I compete?”

Liz blamed the ‘Hannah Montana‘ actress for the breakdown of her relationship with Noel and said the pair would still be together if it wasn’t for Miley.

She told The Functioning Alcoholic: “He was my husband and my best friend. There is no other reason why we would have broken up.”

The two stars relationship came to light when they were spotted kissing during an ad break whilst filming the successful TV show.

In an exclusive interview The Banker told us: “Miley jumped into his arms and threw her arms around his neck and kissed him and leaned back and he was dipping her. It was like a scene out of an old movie where the guy’s getting on a train and they’re saying their goodbyes.”

Last month, Miley was locked in a bitter war of words with her ex-boyfriend Bruce Forsyth.

The singer-and-actress – who split from the Strictly Come Dancing presenter in June after a year of dating – traded insults with him through cryptic messages on Twitter.

Bruce wrote: “People mistake stupidity for bravery way too easily.”

Miley quickly replied: “Yeah. I love when people mistake bravery with writing a few stupid tweets trying to make it seem like they don’t care. You’re afraid to love.”

Earlier this summer, Miley was also romantically linked to Keith Richards, a former member of little known pop band The Rolling Stones.

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Many thanks to the many who pointed out this moniker stealing blog recently added to WordPress.

We can’t say we’re happy with the blatant unoriginality of this gormless soul who drivels on about how skinny her blind date was or how droopy her tit’s have become but, as imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, we’ll take it as a compliment.